My hope is in You...Lord

Need to post more in 2012!

2012-01-03T13:11:00.000-08:00

I just had a reminder about blogging...I have been SO busy that I have not had the time or even the thought to blog recently. So, here are a few updates since November.

I am transitioning internally at Cerner and I'm super happy about it! My transition date is January 30th. I will be moving into a programming role instead of doing the billing and EDI transaction stuff that I'm doing now. I'll be programming in Java and am excited to dig back into coding.

Work has been so crazy for me with regulatory changes and all, so I literally have only had a couple days off here and there. I tried to take 4 off sporadically over the last few weeks and it's hard to get them in with all that's going on. Luckily I have been able to spend a few extra days with my little man and extends a couple weekends. Love our time together!

Gage has been growing by leaps and bounds. I posted pictures regularly to Facebook, so stop by and see him when you get a chance. He will be 8 months old on January 17th. It's unbelievable to me that it has flown by this fast. In 4 short months he will already be a year old! It's insane! I love that little man more than I can say. Lately, he's been trying my patience by not going to sleep and waking up constantly throughout the night when he does. I'm trying to let him cry it out, but man it's so hard and I get frustrated more because I don't want him to wake up Justin (ahem...Justin is a bear if he doesn't get his full hibernation in!). I'm a grouch though because I'm getting very little sleep and restless sleep when I do. :0( Pray for patience through this experience. I'm still not comfortable moving Gage to his bedroom because of the layout of our house. Fires and whatnot scare me, so I need to figure out how to not worry before I transition him. Or figure out how to sleep up there with him...we have thought about moving up to the other room upstairs!

Here's a pic of him and me at the "Christmas with the Hamilton's."

And here's a picture of Gage with Daddy.

I hope everyone had a Very Merry Christmas and I wish you a Happy New Year! May God bless you in 2012.

Photo Card

2011-11-12T20:48:00.001-08:00

Picture Tree Christmas

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Been awhile, Update and Prayer Request

2011-11-06T06:10:00.000-08:00

Wow, it's been forever since I posted! Things have been crazy at home and work since I last posted. Gage is growing like a weed! He is now 5 1/2 months. His 6 month appointment he weighed 19lb 12oz and was 27 inches long. He's in the 80+ % for weight and height and only the 50% for head size. Peanut head.

He's not too active yet, but he tries. He's rolled from his tummy to his back, but hasn't rolled from his back to his tummy yet. He's so sweet.

Right now he has a cold, which stinks. Poor little runny nose and cough.

On a separate note, Justin's good friend was in a car accident last Monday night (early Tuesday) and is currently in a medicine induced coma. He has swelling on his brain. They were hoping to take him down off the meds on Friday, but his swelling had gotten worse, so they're going to wait until Monday to reevaluate. We're hoping the swelling gets better and starts going away.

Please keep Cracker (Randall Greene) and his family in your prayers. He has a wife and 4 kids. Since Justin and Cracker were roommates when we were dating, I knew him quite well and spent a lot of time with him. It was hard to see him just laying there. I pray God intervenes in this situation and gives this family a miracle.

Feeling better

2011-08-16T14:21:00.001-07:00

Well the last week has been interesting and trying. Tuesday I started feeling bad at work and ended up leaving and driving myself to the ER. The took blood and did an eval saying it was probably indigestion and I'd be sent home.

My bloodwork came back that my liver function was elevated, which indicated gallstones. So, I had an ultrasound. That alone was hard for me being back in the exact same room I had been 4x before when pregnant with Gage!

It didn't show anything there, which the doc said could mean it was stuck in the main duct. I would be admitted and have gallbladder removal surgery on Wednesday. They would also do an xray of the main duct to see if it was in there.

I waited all day to be worked into the schedule and finally got in around 2:30 or so. The surgery was successful and there was a stone in the main duct, but they were able to flush it out with dye.

I got to see my Gager that night when Justin brought him up, but couldn't enjoy it as I was throwing up from the pain meds. I got taken off the liquid diet until the next morning, Thursday.

Doc came in Thursday and told me I was Jaundice and would need to stay another day. He said he didn't think it would be any other stones, but probably the main duct spasming and swollen. They'd check me again Friday morning.

Gage got to come see me that night as well and it went a little better! I missed him SO much while I was there!!

Friday morning they took my blood and they came in around 2:30 to let me know it had gone down and I could go home! Yipee! My dad came and got me and once I was discharged I went to their house and waited for Justin to come pick me up.

Was so glad to be home and slept hard!

While I was in the hospital, the second night Gage slept through the night for the first time! Yay! Way to go buddy! He slept through the night the first night I got home too. Sunday night was rough with him, but last night he slept again from 10:30 until 5:15am!!

I'm so thankful that God worked everything out during this time. I'm praying for no further issues in the next year!! It's been a rough one!

Baby News

2011-06-07T16:06:00.000-07:00

Wow...what a busy couple months it has been since I last posted!

Monday, May 16th my water broke as I was leaving work, so I headed straight to the hospital. It was just a little bit and I at first thought I was peeing, but then realized that I would be able to stop if I was. After calling Justin and then my sister and then Justin back I went to the hospital. When I got there, the attendant at the desk was on lunch break (@ 6pm apparently lol) and so I was waiting for someone to come out there when the "somebody is stealing a baby" alarm went off and the doors went on lockdown. Several people were coming in and picking up the phone and being able to go back until that happened, but once it was on lockdown nobody could go through. Once the alarm stopped I went to the phone by the door and she said that the lady was on lunch break and was just getting ready to ask how she could help me when I said very loudly into the phone "My water broke and I need to get help now!" She said oh my, yes, come on back and buzzed me in.

Once I got back there and into a room I felt better...and my contractions started about an hour later. Justin showed up and I was much relieved. Then began the wait. Mom and Dad showed up and then Tammy showed up and she was ready to rock and roll. I was getting contractions stronger and stronger. About 2am Justin's parents showed up. Not sure what I was at that point, but I know I had already gotten the epidural because I was in quite a bit of pain. Once I got the epidural I was able to relax more...I'm guessing it was around 12am. The nurse kept checking me and I was progressing well until about an 8...and I stalled. She came in an hour later and when I had only progressed to about an 8.5 she talked to the doctor and they gave me some pitocin to get me moving again. Within an hour I was at a 10 and ready to push.

I pushed for 45 minutes and had our sweet and long awaited baby Gage at 5:15 am, May 17th. He was 7lbs 15oz and was 20 1/2 inches long. He was perfect!

That night and the next night he had episodes where he turned blue. The first night they suctioned his mouth and he pinked back up. The second night they suctioned, but nothing was there and when the nurse picked him up he pinked back up. That third day he had his bilirubin level checked and it was high. With his episodes and bilirubin being so high his pediatrician wanted to keep him for 24 hour monitoring and put him on the lights to help with the bilirubin level. After 24 hours he was still pretty high, but they decided to send us home with the bilibed. He hadn't had any further breathing issues, praise God!!

He was on the bilibed for that night and next day we took him in to be tested and it was not low enough, so he had to stay on the bed another day. When we took him in the next day to be tested it had dropped a bit and we were able to let him off the bilibed. Having him on there was really rough for us because we had our precious boy home, but couldn't hold him except for feedings.

That first night home was rough. He wouldn't latch since my milk had come in and he couldn't get a good latch. Justin had to make a midnight run to walmart and get formula to feed him since he was screaming as he'd been trying to latch for an hour and a half. I was then able to pump and feed him that way once I got the pump working. What a crazy first week we had! I got a tip from a friend to use nipple shields that provide a better area to latch on to and since we got those that first weekend we haven't had any problems with feedings.

It's been quite crazy...this little package changed everything! He is so precious and such a gift from God. We feel so lucky and blessed to have him in our lives and so thankful that throughout my whole pregnancy and through the issues he had after birth, God protected him and kept him healthy and strong.

Today he is 3 weeks old!! Time goes by so fast!!

Fun Stuff! Getting Excited!

2011-04-20T10:44:00.000-07:00

Yesterday Justin put the playard and the swing together! We got the playard in our room where Gage will sleep until we decide to move him to his room. His room is upstairs, so it just makes more sense to have him downstairs with us for awhile.

The playard is pretty nifty though...it has a changing table on it and a bassinet level. It also has a little musical thing that goes in the corner and will play music or vibrate and it has a night light. It even has a remote control to turn it on!

I can't wait to have our little guy home and get to meet him and squeeze him! I'm getting excited and nervous and everything at once! It's coming soon!

We have one more shower for the McEachron side of the family on the 30th of this month and then we can finally get everything put where we want it. I've already been working on the room a little bit and Justin has washed Gage's clothes that we've gotten and we have put some of them away. Just have to get everything organized and together. I can't wait!

I am now 34 weeks. I have just one shot today and one more next week and then I'm done with the 17p shots that are to hold off pre-term labor. So, that means I could go anytime after that...depending upon how my body reacts to being off the shots.

Things going pretty good!

2011-04-16T11:10:00.000-07:00

The last couple months have been going rather well! I have been blessed with several showers and still a couple more left to go. I'm now 33 weeks, Day 5! I've been feeling pretty good too and haven't had anymore issues.

My sonogram on March 31st showed that my remaining hematoma was gone! Woot! It was such an exciting thing to learn. Now I feel like I can actually enjoy my pregnancy for these last few weeks of it! Hopefully only about 6.5 weeks left, guess we'll see!

Here are a few pictures over the last few weeks.

26 Weeks, Day 7

28 Weeks, Day 7

29 Weeks, Day 7

30 Weeks, Day 7

31 Weeks, Day 7

32 Weeks, Day 5

33 Weeks, Day 1

We have had some bad luck with other stuff though...the house was hit by either strong winds or a microburst on April 3rd. It uprooted a tree in our yard, tore off shingles on our roof, blew off a gutter and turned over our AC unit. Here are a few pictures from the damage:

We are doing well!

2011-02-26T10:46:00.000-08:00

Wow, I just realized it's been over a month since I posted! Thought I'd give an update on things!

My bleeding has been gone now for over 5 weeks and I'm hoping that it stays that way! I was released to go back to work on January 31st and have been working since then. Upon returning to work it was very scary and I am still a little frightened about the risk of my hematoma breaking open again, but it's getting better. I got a note to park in handicapped parking, so I get to park up close. Our parking lot and parking garage it would be at least a half mile hike into the office and I'm definitely not ready for that. My stamina is slowly returning...but I really am trying to play it safe and not do much. I'm still not allowed to lift over 10lbs, so I don't.

The sono still shows that the largest hematoma is still in there, but each sono it shows that it's shrinking and the doctor said it could be in there the entire time. I just think that's weird...but, as long as it doesn't have any further issues I'm okay with it.

My last sono I had, she said she thought I might have gestational diabetes due to the amount of amniotic fluid. It was above average and she said that's an indicator of GD. I had my glucose test this past Thursday and I passed!! PTL! I was so thrilled...although we would've handled it like everything else we've been through, I surely wasn't wanting to have to deal with yet another issue during this pregnancy. But, my reading was 109 and the bottom number is 130, so I was well within the normal range.

Justin has been more than I could ask for during this. He treats me like a queen and makes sure I'm okay and well cared for...which is a super relief. Whenever I try to do anything around the house I get the "Hey! What are you doing...sit down!" So, I try to just take it easy. :0)

I praise God every day for keeping Gage and I safe during this pregnancy...it's been a wild ride so far, but I know that He is with us and it calms me. Thank you God for watching over us.

Here's my last weeks pic update, 25 weeks 3 days.

Update on Gage

2011-01-21T10:36:00.000-08:00

Wow! It's been almost a month since I last posted. I guess sitting around at home you forget to post!

I have been doing better. I had to go to the ER on New Year's Eve for additional bleeding and then again had new bleeding on January 5th. January 6th I had the most wonderful birthday gift by getting to have my measurements sono and getting to see little Gage doing well in there. At this point they had said that the large original hematoma had shrank a bunch and was just a thin layer there. The new hematoma that I had developed on New Year's Eve appeared to be all old blood at this point, which was good.

The last two Thursday's I went to the doctor to get checkups and my shot of a type of progesterone that helps with preterm labor. The doctor both times checked the heart rate using only doppler. Hearing little Gage's heart rate was wonderful!

I go back next Thursday to get a sono and am excited about it! I can't wait to see our little guy! I have been feeling him moving around a lot more in the last week or so...it's such a blessing! He rolls around and kicks and who knows what else in there. This week I hit 21 weeks! So, I'm over halfway now!

I'm hoping as long as all is well that I'll be released off couch rest. It gets quite boring and lonely being here all day and not able to do anything.

Today my sister came over and helped me get some stuff on my registries for BabiesRUs and Target. That was fun! She's been through this a few times, so I gladly take her advice.

My in-laws are coming over Sunday to help Justin paint Gage's room! I SO WISH that I could help out with this and be a part of it, but I can't, so I'll be sitting on the couch as usual. I'm sure it's going to look wonderful!

I'm continuing to pray for these hematomas to heal and baby Gage to be protected!! God has been SO GOOD to us thus far and I know He remains with us.

Update on last few weeks

2010-12-15T08:53:00.000-08:00

I haven't posted an update in awhile, so thought I would. The last few weeks have been pretty difficult, emotionally and physically for me. My appoint on Tuesday, November 30th, went well. They didn't see the hematoma anymore and released me to go to work. I went into the office the last three days of the week.

Saturday, December 4th we drove to Concordia, MO for my brother-in-laws Grandma's funeral. After the funeral dinner I went to the bathroom and noticed bleeding. I immediately freaked and almost passed out. My sister said we should go ahead and head home. We left for home immediately. Mom was with us and as we drove I could feel more and more bleeding. I called the Dr and he said if it didn't stop to go to the ER. So, we drove straight to the ER at SMMC. By the time I got there and went into the ER I had bled through everything...I was feeling quite hopeless. After a pelvic exam and a sono, they saw that the baby was still doing well and my cervix was still closed and they couldn't tell where exactly the bleeding was coming from. They knew it was a bleed and sent me home on bed rest until I saw my doctor on Monday. God had again sustained us and the baby through this.

Sunday, December 5th, as I was going to bed I passed a big clot and what I thought might be tissue. I was completely scared and we decided to head back to the ER as they'd said if it got worse to come back. After the same "routine"...pelvic exam and sono (funny thing is we had the same sono tech that we'd had on Halloween...he remembered me" they found that the baby was still in great condition, but they did find the bleed. I had a large hematoma this time. The doctor said our situation was touch and go. He said the only two things that would help would be rest and prayers. If the blood surrounds the baby it will cause a miscarriage.

I also had to get a shot of rogam (sp?) which prevents your blood from fighting the baby's blood. Since I'm O negative blood type and Justin is most likely positive, they have to do this so my blood from this hematoma isn't fighting the baby.

Justin and I were completely scared, but yet again God had proven to us that HE is with us and this baby. He has had His hands surrounding this little one and protecting it amidst all the trauma going on in my "oven". We had hope again and we know that we have to rely on Him to heal this. There's nothing we can do.

I went the next day to see my doctor and he put me on a week of bed rest. I went in for a follow-up yesterday, December 14th. Both of my doctors were there and Dr. Nibbelink saw me and told Dr. Frye, "There's the one I was telling you about this morning." To which Dr. Fry replied, "Oh, she's the trouble maker." Dr. Nibbelink asked if the bleeding stopped and I said for the last several days it's only been old blood. He did a fist pump! I guess that's a good sign.

Dr. Frye did my visit and sono and showed us where the hematoma was in there and that the baby was doing well. He then said, "Did anyone tell you you're having a boy?!". Justin and I looked at each other and were like, "NO!". He said yup, there is the little thing that says it's a boy! We were shocked as we both really had thought it was going to be a girl. We are very excited...yet reserved since that hematoma is still there. He said that the blood has to come out and as the baby grows it hopefully will, but as long as it remains in there it is an irritant for the uterus. So, I'm remaining on bed rest another week. Dr. Nibbelink came in and looked as well and voiced his concern on how he let me go back to work last time and I was bleeding again shortly, so they are going to keep me down for longer this time.

So, right now things are hopeful. We are having a baby boy and he's doing wonderfully through all of this. However, with the blood in there still...it's still pretty scary and it really needs to get out for things to be good.

Thank you all for the many thoughts, prayers and kind words you have sent Justin and I over the last few weeks. Right now, I KNOW that God is with us and HE is in control. He has sustained our little miracle thus far and I have full faith in Him that He'll keep this baby in His hands the remainder of the time. My prayer is for God to heal my hematoma and to push that blood out of the way for our baby boy to have room to grow healthy without issue, while keeping His protective hands on our little boy.

The verse that was reminded me by my Godfather and I have been thinking on and praying on is this:

Psalm 23

¹ The LORD is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
² He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
³ he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
   for his name’s sake.
⁴ Even though I walk
   through the darkest valley,^[a]
I will fear no evil,
   for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
   they comfort me.
⁵ You prepare a table before me
   in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
   my cup overflows.
⁶ Surely your goodness and love will follow me
   all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
   forever.

Looking forward to Tuesday

2010-11-28T20:19:00.000-08:00

What a good couple weeks! I've been back to work, so I have been staying extremely busy! I came back to 2 weeks worth of work saved up for me...oh boy! But, I've worked my way through most of it now, so that's good!

I had Thursday and Friday off from work and had a blast! We drove down to the lake to see my mom's side of her family for a Thanksgiving feast there! My cousins Billy and Melody made the Ham and Ham Gravy and Mashed potatoes and I had really been craving it once I realized it would be there about a week and a half before! I'm just sure Justin was sick of me talking about it...but I had it and it was delicious!! The ride down wasn't too fantastic...when you're already nauseated and then throw the rolling hills into it...I was about ready to lose it by the time we arrived. But, I rested once we got there and talked to the family and felt good enough to eat by the time it was all ready.

Friday Justin and I headed to the in-laws in Topeka for some leftovers and it was delicious! Got to see our little nephew Rhett who had grown like a weed and was so funny! Hopefully soon I'll be released to lift things so I can pick up those precious packages...but as long as it's doctor approved! We played Dominoes for about 6 hours...myself, Ed, Amy and Randall and that was the liveliest game of Dominoes I think I've played! We had so much fun and although I lead for most of the game...Randall game in the last few rounds and beat me!

My good friend at work, Phyllis, gets to go back to work tomorrow! SO excited that she made it through all her stuff and is now going to be back to work! I'm hoping I get to join her this week!

I go back to the doctor Tuesday evening and will find out if I'm released to go back to work in the office. I will be so glad for more than one reason if I am! One...just being in the office will make working with my boss easier (he doesn't respond to my emails...lol) and it will mean that the baby is still good and the hematoma is still gone! I can't wait to go in Tuesday to see our little one again! My tummy I am really starting to feel it pooching...I know it's not to where others can see it yet...but I'm feeling it. Luckily my nausea has really been letting up. I haven't needed my Sea Bands for several days now with minimal nauseated feeling. Just a couple times and it subsides quickly, so I'm really glad! Although...my pants aren't going to be glad, because I'll be eating more now! :0)

So, keep praying for our little one and his/her journey to meet us to be safe! God has been so good to us and keeping him/her safe already! This Thanksgiving I had MUCH to be thankful for!

God Bless you all!

Back to work!

2010-11-16T10:16:00.000-08:00

I went to the doctor yesterday for my checkup after my first week on house rest. The doctor did the sono and he couldn't find the hematoma anymore! He said it may still be there, but it's either very small or it's moved into another location. He seemed like it was all good though!

He said I could go back to work, but would like me to remain at home for the next two weeks just to be on the safe side. Obviously, I'm supposed to continue to take it easy...but I am able to move around more he said and I can now drive. So, I started back to working today from home.

We also got to see the baby and the baby looks good! He/She measured about two inches, so everything is going well! Baby was still bouncing around in there...so cute to see it moving around. Only a few weeks and I'm sure I'll be getting to feel it moving around in there. :0)

Thank you God for answering our prayers and keeping me and the baby safe! I am so thankful for this blessing and I am even more thankful for your watchful hands keeping our blessing safe and secure.

Continued House Rest

2010-11-11T14:21:00.000-08:00

Well, the news on Monday wasn't all bad...the baby is still looking well. In fact he/she was moving around so much the doc couldn't take the heart rate! It's quite a mover and a shaker...I think he/she will be a lot like mom! You usually can't keep me still...which is where the bad news comes in...I'm on "house rest" for another 6 weeks. What this means is that I'm supposed to remain seated or laying down for the majority of the day. I am able to get up for short periods of time, like to fix a lunch, but am not allowed to cook a big meal, clean, lift anything...BAKE :0( -- I want to make Christmas cookies so bad!...so this leaves me still quite helpless and Justin still having to do pretty much everything.

Luckily, I do have short term disability through my work and am able to get 12 weeks paid leave because I just hit my 5 years in October. Problem is...I like my job and am a control freak, so giving my responsibilities to someone else for 6 weeks is going to pose major stress for me in a time when I'm supposed to be relaxing. I'm constantly checking my email throughout the day when I really just need to be not worrying...I care incredibly too much about my quality of work and the last year+ that I've worked to get everything back in a stable condition.

The other downside is the time I'm taking out of that 12 weeks will be taken out of the time I can take when the baby is born. I guess it's okay...since I have to do what I have to do to get to that point, but I am already taking 7 weeks, which only leaves me 5 and you usually would be able to get 6.

I do have things that are keeping me busy...I have picked back up on crocheting again. My how I've missed it. I just wish I could go shopping and shop for some new yarns! I just have to make do with what I have. My hubby went and got me a new yarn to make a baby blanket that I can't wait to start. I'm trying to finish up a blanket I had been making at least 7 years ago! So, that's quite fun!

I am so missing out on Christmas shopping...oh wait...I usually shop online! haha! I can do that! Problem is this year we don't have much money...we weren't able to save our "christmas club account" as we usually do since we had to spend all our savings on our little bean. But, it was money well spent and everyone is just going to have to understand this year. We're cutting back everywhere since my insurance next year is going to go up about $170/paycheck, over $300 a month to cover having Justin on my insurance and not having to pay out of pocket for any medical bills.

God's been good to us thus far...I know HE will continue. My KLOVE verse the other day really hit home...made me think about perspective and how I really need to just remember to rely on HIM.

Proverbs 3:5-6
⁵ Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
⁶ in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.

Hoping for good news today...

2010-11-08T10:41:00.000-08:00

This afternoon I go back to the doctor to find out if the hematoma has changed and if I can get off of bed rest. I sure hope that by God's hand it is gone. That's what I'm praying for. I have stopped spotting at all for the last several days, so I think that's good. Now, it's just getting the hematoma to resolve itself.

I still feel like our little one is doing well. This whole past week I've felt icky every day. I haven't thrown up once yet...but man have I been close. I just have this nauseated feeling that lasts all day off and on. It's not fun...but I'll take it, since it gives me comfort to know that if my baby wasn't doing well and causing issues I wouldn't be feeling this way. I think he/she is in there throwing a party and doing some fist pumps or something...least that's what it feels like.

The information I have read said that our baby is the size of a prune now! My how it's grown in this past week or so. Justin said he read that it's the size of a sugar packet, so I asked him if that meant he was the sugar daddy. heehee...he at least laughed. My prayer is that the baby just continues to grow strong and healthy and that my body is growing a healthy home for this little one.

I want to say a special thanks to all those that have been praying for Justin and I and for the little precious one. I know that it's through those prayers and the strength God is giving us that we're able to get through this trying time. As if I'm not emotional enough with my raging hormones...lol, when there is a threat to something that we so desire...it makes it that much harder.

Scary times...

2010-11-02T15:39:00.000-07:00

Well, this past couple days has been a bit eventful in a not good way. On Halloween Sunday I was at my mom and dads house celebrating Halloween and spotted. Then, about 20 minutes later I started bleeding. I was scared outta my mind and not sure what to do, so Justin and I made the decision to go to the ER. They did a pelvic exam and the doctor said she didn't see anything to be alarmed about. So, they sent me to get a sonogram.

The tech there said the baby was moving and the heart rate was at 180, but he saw a fluid sack outside the baby's sack. I was scared to death. The doctor got the radiologist report and came back in. She said that I have a small hematoma and that it generally resolves itself, but if it doesn't it would put me at risk for miscarriage. She said "abortion", but I don't think that term is appropriate.

I already had my next follow up with my OB scheduled for Monday, so we went in and he saw the hematoma and put me on bed rest. So, now I'm supposed to go from the bed, to the couch to the bathroom and that's it for a week. The dogs have been howling all day since I can't have them out running around and needing to go out constantly. I'm still feeling nauseated too...so it's been quite a day.

I'm trying to just think positive and know that God is watching the baby and he will resolve this hematoma, but it's so difficult. I'm scared we might lose our little one and I do not want that to happen. I'm doing everything I can to make sure that it doesn't happen and that I am taking good care of what I can. They told me there isn't anything that I can or can not do to make it go away or not go away. It just has to resolve itself. Putting my faith in God right now and trusting that he's taking care of it.

Luckily, I haven't been bleeding anymore since that night. Just spotting brown...which is supposedly good.

Keep praying for our little baby DaPrato and that God will protect him/her and heal me. Also pray for my comfort and strength right now as I'm really struggling with this. It just seems like we go from one thing to another and I want it to go smoothly. I'm just scared.

Been awhile...

2010-10-30T08:10:00.000-07:00

It's been awhile since I posted, so thought I'd give an update. The last few weeks have been full of feeling sick. If I'm not feeling sick, then I'm thinking I want something to eat and I don't want it when I get it. It's been quite interesting.

Wednesday of this week I started week 9! So, I'm moving right along. Can't believe only 3 weeks and I'll be out of my first trimester already. I will be glad! Hoping the sickness moves out when I get to Tri-2.

We started buying stuff here and there for the baby. Got a membership to Costco so we can start stocking up on a few things. Like wipes and some diapers. Keeping the receipts in case they don't work as I hear all babies are different. We got one of each of sizes 1 and 2 and some wipes. Also, we've been cleaning out the room upstairs that will be the nursery. It was used for storage previously, so we've been going through clothes and stuff to try and make it empty.

Well, that's all for now! I'll keep you updated on my next sono, which is scheduled for Monday, November 1st! Woot! I can't wait to see Baby DaPrato again!!

Our little bean

2010-10-10T18:34:00.000-07:00

This past Thursday we got to see the most amazing thing ever! We got to see our little bean growing inside me! I thought we would have two, but we have the one...and regardless I am overjoyed! I was so excited for the appointment yet scared since I didn't know what to expect or think as I haven't had one of a baby before.

Our embryologist was so cute and popped her head into the lobby when we were waiting and asked if she could come in there and see. I said of course she could! So, when we were called back it was Justin and I, the embryologist Sue and then our doctor and a nurse practitioner that just started. Full room!

He looked around and said that he saw one sack and then he zoomed into the sack and there it was! Our little bean! Even though everything isn't completely formed, you can totally tell it's shape and we could see the heart fluttering away! I was breathless! I'm tearing up just writing this...because it was the most amazing feeling ever to just know that it's in there and it's doing well and it's heart was just pumping away! He said we could probably hear it, so he turned the audio on and sure enough, "thump, thump, thump, thump...". It was perfect. Beating at 106 bmp when he measured it.

It hasn't seemed real until that point...now I just don't even know what to do and am so protective of myself right now, because it's still early. I will hit 7 weeks this week on Wednesday. I'm just pushing for these first 12 weeks to fly by so then I can really feel more safe and comfy about the whole thing. I just feel that at any moment it could be taken away and I would be just devastated. I just pray constantly for God to watch over this precious child as He's making it perfectly in my womb. I pray that I am the perfect home for it for the time being and that He's there with this baby, holding it and loving on it since I can't yet.

Oh happy day!! I can't wait to meet you my sweet little one! Mom and Dad already love you more than you can imagine and we haven't met you yet! Oh how my life will change when you make it here and it will be such a blessing and I can not wait!

Psalm 139: 13-14

¹³ For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.

¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

A new kind of waiting...

2010-10-02T07:46:00.000-07:00

Everything has been going just fine for this past week. I have just been really tired. The spotting has let up a lot, to barely anything and I think now it's for sure the meds that I'm still on. So...that's encouraging. I've been getting plenty of sleep. Justin's been laughing at me because I'm going to bed about 9 or the latest 10 every night. I never used to go to bed that early.

Right now we're just waiting to find out if it's one or two. I go back in on October 11th for the first ultrasound. I'm so excited and I can't wait for this week to go flying by so we can find out!

I think it's going to be two...but only God knows for sure. Right now all I do is continually praise Him for getting us this far and pray that He continues to be with him/her/them from here on out.

It's so exciting!

A good day!

2010-09-25T14:35:00.000-07:00

Today is a good day! Yesterday I had my second blood test. Wednesday my HCG was 140 and they like to see it double every other day. Yesterday it was 373...well above doubling. So, I was thrilled!

I took a HPT on Thursday night just to be sure that I was indeed pregnant and it did come back with 2 lines! Woot!

Then, today I was going through my drawer to find something and I found a card. The front said "Congratulations" with cute little flags on it and the inside said "For this special moment, we wish you beautiful memories". It was signed "Love ya -- Grandma Have a good one! 2007".

This touched me in the most amazing way! Many times I have talked with my Grandma about having a baby and through all the hard times she was there rooting me on saying "Sweets...it's gonna happen for you someday. I know it will. Just hang in there!". What she didn't know is that she would be a part of it even without her being physically here. Tuesday will mark the one year of her passing and it will be rough knowing that my children will not have the opportunity to meet such an amazing Grandma. I miss her a great deal. But, seeing this card at this particular time...I felt as though she's here with me in spirit and memory and I will tell my children about her so they do know her.

Thanks for the card Grandma...and for the most amazing memories.

It is a very good day. I feel very blessed.

We are officially pregnant!!!

2010-09-22T20:04:00.000-07:00

The nurse called today and I had a BFP!! BIG FAT POSITIVE!?!?! Are you serious!! OMGOSH!

It's still extremely early...and I still have been spotting, but I do believe it's been less today and the nurse still says it's okay as long as no cramping and it's not heavy (TMI...I know!). But, have had no cramps...and it's still just spotting and maybe letting up!

So please continue to pray for my little baby, or babies! I go back Friday for confirmation!!!

We are beyond overjoyed and I have nothing but praise and thanks to give to MY GOD...MY HEAVENLY FATHER! How great is HE?! When we thought there was no hope, He reminded us that there was hope and gave us the strength to get through the last few days. How amazing is His love for us that He would allow us to get to this very step. I have no doubt in my mind that He will remain with us. I KNOW He has His hand on the baby(ies) and is giving them life and protecting them.

I'm only like a week or so right now...according to the transfer day (September 13th). So, I just know that it's in His loving hands now to continue to grow the baby(ies).

SO EXCITED!

My friend Sarah posted this verse on my FB wall today and it really felt special and perfect for us. During our entire journey, no matter how hard it has been, I have completely gone into prayer praying for God's will to be done and not our own. We made decisions during IVF based our beliefs. If I didn't do this the "right" way...and in a way that would bring honor to God, I didn't want to do it. I am amazed by God's love, mercy and grace he's shown to us during this and to HIM ALONE be the honor and praise.

He heard us and the prayer and petition of our family and friends and he answered those prayers.
Justin and I are beyond blessed.

This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us.

1 John 5:14

Tomorrow is D-Day...

2010-09-21T18:00:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is the day we find out if we have a BFN (Big Fat Negative) or a BFP (Big Fat Positive). The last few days have gone worse than I would've hoped. I started spotting on Sunday and it hasn't stopped yet. This has lead to extreme anxiety and worry. I honestly don't know how tomorrow will go. I pray the Lord lets our babies grow and thrive in my tummy and that they are healthy. Many women do spot and even have a regular cycle. The meds I am on are known to cause bleeding as well. But...it doesn't make it any less stressful when you don't know.

I talked to the Doctor on Sunday and the nurse on Monday and both of them have told me that things can still be okay and that spotting is normal for this process. But how much? And how long?

Ultimately, I know that God CAN make miracles happen and I know that if it's in His plan, He will give us our heart's desire. What I don't know and what causes my anxiety is that I don't know His plan. Nobody does.

So, we wait...

The waiting is not easy

2010-09-17T17:17:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I had quite a bad day (IMO). I woke up with this anxiety feeling in my stomach and just this extreme worry and panic...I kept thinking "What if this doesn't work?!"..."What do we do?!". It lead into a bit of a stressful day with this in the back of my mind and for the most of the day in the forefront of my mind.

I know it may seem silly, but with every "How do you feel today?" or "How are you doing?"...it made it that much worse. I mean my goodness...these people just genuinely care about me and are wanting to know how I'm feeling and if I'm having any "PG Symptoms"...but when I'm feeling anxious...I didn't really want to think about that and if I was. It would make me get my hopes up and I'm just trying to stay calm and not get too antsy...which is apparently working SO WELL. haha! The hormones I am on cause many PG symptoms anyway...so I don't think I'd really know if they were from meds or from the other.

I stopped by Target on the way home from work and there was a cart there all by itself...I was like...how cool! So, I took it and started walking off...that's when I realized why the sucker was there. It pulled to the left...not a good cart. It wasn't just a little pull...like I felt like I was playing tug with my Boggle Barney, pull. So, I of course had to turn around and take it back. Went around and got my few groceries and came home. Had to have Justin help since I'm not supposed to be lifting a lot of weight right now.

So then I ate dinner and then laid in bed and just felt sad. Later on Justin came in and when I told him how "horrible" my day was he said, "So you are upset because people wanted to know how you were AND you got a rotten cart?!?!" haha...okay, so yeah it sounds silly NOW...but at the time...I was not thinking it was that funny!

Anyway...there are just a ton of thoughts going through my mind from what names we have been thinking, to what if it doesn't happen, to what if one makes it, to wouldn't it be a fun Christmas to have this kind of new...news, to pretty much you name it...is going through my head.

My verse for today -- Matthew 6:34:
³⁴Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

And isn't this the truth! God...please calm my fears and let me fully give all of this anxiety, doubt and worry to You. It is in your hands my dear Father.

Picture Journey

2010-09-15T17:04:00.001-07:00

Got the medications
First bruise on left thigh
Second bruise on tummy
Third bruise on tummy
Both bruises on belly after a week
BD box full of all my lovely needles

I am thrilled to have made it through all of that and be where we are today!

Thanks to my amazing husband for being so wonderful through all of this! I know I wouldn't have made it to this point without your encouragement and support! Love you babe!

The wait is on...

2010-09-14T19:46:00.000-07:00

Two little guys have been delivered to the appropriate spot! Me...I'm feeling a ton better now...other than the anxiety of waiting several weeks to find out if it works or not! I'm excited and have a million things running through my mind right now...what could be...what we want to be...what God will provide for us. It is all in His hands now and may His will be done in this situation. My hearts desire is to start a family and be able to love a child more than myself and raise them to know the Lord and love others and themselves and be proud of their faith. But, the ultimate question is what does God want for our lives and what does He have in store for us. Now we get to try and figure that out...Be still, and know that HE IS GOD!

Colossians 1: 9-14
⁹For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. ¹⁰And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, ¹¹being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully ¹²giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you^[d] to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light. ¹³For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, ¹⁴in whom we have redemption,^[e] the forgiveness of sins.

God hear our cry and our desires and please come to us and be in this situation.
-- Your loving children

Tomorrow is a big one...

2010-09-07T19:20:00.000-07:00

I'm having a ton of feelings right now about tomorrow. Tomorrow is the day I go in and they take my eggs to fertilize. It's kind of weird knowing that a little person could be created from this and a different little person depending upon which egg and which sperm they choose. I have complete faith that God is going to guide them in choosing the right eggs and sperm to do this. He has control of this entire situation and that gives me a peace about it. He has been with us and guiding us through this entire process and I know that He will remain with us and leading us.

I have been told that the process is rather painless and I'll be on drugs anyway, so what do I care. haha!

So...here goes!

My Journey continues...

2010-09-04T21:22:00.000-07:00

Today is treatment day 8 and this week has been a journey of shots. I have only bruised one more time since the horrible bruise that happened on Sunday night. It's gotten easier and my headaches have thankfully subsided. I'm now experiencing the pain that is the first phase of this process. My follicles are growing and I feel like there's a party in my tummy and they've had a bit too much to drink or something...they're a little out of hand.

Went to the doctor today and will go again Monday morning. Should be going to the next step soon...getting very excited, yet scared since I don't know exactly what to expect out of this. My hope is that it'll end in a bundle of joy to come...but so many things have to go perfect yet. That's why my story now and always is that my hope is in You, Lord. You are the God of miracles and the God of Love...right now I'm asking for both.

I am also trying to just focus on reducing my stress...it's not easy since I have a demanding job and a lot going on with our families right now. Not to mention that this whole process is quite stressful in and of itself. I'm trying to just do the best I can and be a trooper through this, but it is trying at times and being pumped full of hormones right now is definitely not helping the cause. Haha!

KLOVE is my best friend right now...that and some poppy music to just get my head bopping and not thinking about everything.

I can say that I know I have a ton of people praying for me and that comforts me. To know that I'm not only not going through it alone, because I know I have God with me during this whole thing...but to know that I have an army of prayer backing Justin and I as well and encouraging us through this process. I feel blessed, so very blessed. :0)

My journey...

2010-08-29T23:45:00.000-07:00

I have been having some emotional feelings today and thought it might be a good idea to just post them and get it off my chest.

I've started my second shot now for our IVF cycle and to say the least it's really hard. That is two shots every night for probably 10 days. I wish I could say the shots are painless and it's going just perfect...but it's been rough. I think I've given myself around 12-14 shots now and I have bruised several times. Tonight I had my second shot of Bravelle and I have bruised badly again. Not just a little bruise...we're talking a bruise the size of a golfball or bigger. It's painful and I wish I was a nurse and had a clue what I'm doing. There was a reason I didn't go into nursing like my sister...I don't like needles...I'm having to face that fear and it's incredibly difficult. I keep hitting blood vessels I guess.

I'm keeping my eyes focused on the reason why we're doing this and keeping my faith in the fact that whatever the outcome...it will be in His perfect plan for us. Do I hope we do end up pregnant? Uh...yeah...but I know it's a very real possibility that might not happen. I know God can make miracles happen and if it be His timing and will...it will happen. So, I'm trying not to stress, but easier said than done.

The meds are giving me a horrible headache, making me tired and emotional apparently...or maybe I was just that was to begin with. :0) But, I can't take anything but Tylenol and that isn't helping...so I've been drinking diet mountain dew...that was until just about 10 minutes ago I read that caffeine is a no-no while doing the IVF as it is known to have adverse affects on what you're trying to do. So...now I will not be drinking my normal diet dew or coffee and I'm sure I'll be getting a worse headache.

And as if I'm not already having weight issues lately, I just read the meds will make you gain weight. Oh goodie! lol...but it's okay. Whatever I endure throughout this process... physically, emotionally and spiritually will be completely worth if I'm able to hold the little bundle. I know it's really making me fully rely on God right now and trust in His plan. Everything has fallen into place for this and I really do have a great hope right now. My heart is crying out to God for Him to help me get through this and to trust in His plans. I'm trying to bear this on my own and I can't...

That's all for now...Treatment day 2 is complete.

Softball tonight...

2009-03-24T16:08:00.000-07:00

I am subbing on my work's softball team. Last week was our first game and let's just say it had been quite awhile since I have used THOSE muscles! I now know that I need to get me some more exercise in (As if I didn't already know that...lol). My poor hams and quads were hurting so bad by the end of the game that I could barely move. I was one "single" away from pulling something. The next two days were worse...soreness everywhere. One thing I didn't expect is my feet to hurt so bad...I need to get new cleets is the problem, but I just don't know if I want to splurge. Mine are about 9 years old. Wow...now I feel old to have a pair of shoes from college that are 9 years old. I know I had them in college at least a couple years though and I've been out since 2002. So, I think that's about right. Hmm...shoes have been around the same amount of time as my husband.

So, tonight, I get to do it all over again! Should be a tad better because I've already done it once. I'm hoping I will continue to get to play so that I can get some exercise. I need to do more throughout the week...but I get sidetracked easily...and I don't even have kids yet. I would love to have that to sidetrack me...but all in His timing.

Vacation Day

2008-12-12T09:57:00.000-08:00

Today I took a vacation day. Justin had his Christmas Party for work last night, so we didn't get home until late. We knew it would probably be a late night, so I went ahead and took the day off. And since he gets every Friday off, we could spend the day together. We also had the bug guy come and spray inside our home and we're getting new furniture delivered today.

Yay! New furniture! Our couch was really sagging in the middle and we'd saved up some money to purchase new furniture...so we went to NFM and picked it out! I can't wait to get it. We got a sectional and then a piece of another sectional. So, we'll have at least 8 spots to sit and 6 of those recline! :0) Just in time for us to have my family over for Christmas!

I think we're just going to do the normal things today, like groceries and cleaning. And tonight, I'm looking forward to watching a movie with my sweet hubby on our new furniture!

Praise Him

2008-10-13T18:51:00.000-07:00

I want to take a moment to Praise Jesus. Why? Because although it is raining today, and gloomy, it's a beautiful day. I heard wonderful news of a healthy baby girl that is on the way today and it just made me cry in tears of happiness. I know how wanted she was and how loved she is and will be and I just prayed for that family and that baby when I knew there could be issues. And I am just so relieved and thankful that everything is looking good and she's a beautiful baby girl.

I'm so thankful that God turned my tears from yesterday into happiness today as I knew he would. And I'm thankful to have my family and my church family surounding me and lifting our families up in prayer. I'm thankful for my sister and the inspiration she is to me each and every day even though I know the pain she's endured this year. I thank God for giving me such a strong sister and Godly woman to help guide me through life. I pray that someday I can give you a niece or nephew as you've given me a handsome nephew, Kent and a beautiful niece, Kara.

God is so good!!

2008-10-12T18:58:00.000-07:00

Ups and downs is the way it goes. The thing to remember is that God is in control and will always be with us through those ups and downs. The downs do not come from Him, it comes from the sin in this world. The ups we should always praise Him for and the downs we should always lean on Him. I have had my share of ups and downs as I'm sure we all have. Sometimes it just doesn't make sense and it leaves you questioning why, why this, why now, why...why...why?

But, I know sometimes there just isn't an answer to the Why other than there is sin in this world and that it creates pain and hurt and suffering. One day we will live in a perfect world of no pain and no suffering with Him. The creator. Our Heavenly Father.

I can only put my hope in Him that He gives me the strength to get there and I KNOW that if that is where I keep my eyes, on Him, always, I will be with Him some day.

Lord, I thank you for being with me now in my pain and tomorrow in my happiness. I thank You for showing me the way to You. I pray that you give me and my family the strength that we need today and in the coming days. I am Yours today, tomorrow, always.

Weekend...

2008-06-22T18:23:00.000-07:00

We went out on my brother-in-law's jet ski's this weekend. The lake was so high that people were releasing their boats etc. from the parking lot. Unfortunately we were unable to do that with the car we were driving, because the water was up to the floorboards and the jet ski's weren't touching water yet.

So, we went to another one and launched there. Once out in the open it was a crazy ride. Justin and I were on one and Justin's brother and girlfriend were on the other. We were on them for about 20 minutes of ups and downs and squeezing and gripping as hard as I could to stay on that thing when Justin turned too sharply and off I went. But, I was hesitant, so waited to long and kind of leaned and ended up whacking my knee on the edge of the jet ski. It hurt really bad and I fought the water as I hit and realized I needed to relax and I floated to the top as I was wailing and wincing in pain, I saw my husband bobbing with a big smile on his face. As we go to our jet ski and Justin climbed on, I hear him yelling at his brother. I look over there and their jet ski was upside down. They'd flipped theirs on their way to come help us. And it had rolled over and was taking on water. I finally climbed on the thing, which was difficult because my left knee was killing me, and my left elbow stinks, so I can't pull myself with it. So, it was one-handed and one knee trying to get up. Right about then, I shifted my weight and Justin wasn't ready and we both fell off again.

About that time, a lady had spotted Randall and Amy and went over there and was helping them try to turn it over and Justin was back on ours, and I just couldn't get back up, I was shaking from hanging onto that thing the first 20 minutes. So, I told him to just drive the 100 yards and I'd swim.

Randall got their's flipped back over, but it was so water logged that the back end was sinking into the water. Luckily that lady was there, because she had a tow rope and hooked it to hers and Amy hopped onto hers and they took off. Justin and I had finally got back on ours and Randall was trying to get on with us when he flipped it sideways and him and Justin both fell back off. I was clinging to that thing like spiderman, because I didn't want to have to climb back up, that stunk. So, I scooted up and Justin got on and Randall got into a nice big boat that was friends with the lady on the other jet ski. Off we went toward the Marina.

Once there they got it hung up with string to the dock and a pump in the motor area and pumped all the water out, which took an hour. After several more events we got it towed over to the loading area with the other jet ski and got them home. Randall took it to his house and got the oil changed and did what the owner's manual said to do to get it fixed. They took it out for a test drive once done and it was running a little shaky, but it worked. So, what a long day...

I feel like God was watching us, because if those people hadn't been out there and helped us get that jet ski out of the water or at least tied up like they did, that thing would've been at the bottom of Perry Lake.

Thanks God, for always watching out for us and putting the right people in the right place at the right time. We are truly blessed.